ChicagoInvader ZIM Style!
by Sister Shizo
Summary: When the twisted, dark world of Invader ZIM collides with the equally cruel and morbid city of Chicago of the 1920s, how will the cast defend against the murder trial of the year-er, hour.


[We open on a bustling theater. Many beings rush on the stage, the curtain rippling as they scurry by. A short, curly haired, glasses-wearing girl sits front row among a full-house, holding a thick script in hand. She paws through the script leisurely, clearly ignoring the talkative crowd. As the seats fill up with the people who lingered in the lobby, she stands and heads for the stage. She takes center platform, taking a microphone given through the thick, red curtain, and, clearing her throat, begins to speak.]

[Keiko]

Ladies, gentlemen, disgusting, hideous space creatures. Welcome to Theatre De Spookies, a gloriously morbid theater where one can sit, relax, and watch a shitty performance. (clears throat again, adjusting glasses) Tonight, the troupe will be attempting the widely known musical, IChicago/I, the tale of love, dreams, and cold-blooded murder. Let me introduce the cast and our lovely set of character. A round of applause if you will….

[A variety of people thread onto stage, lining up behind KEIKO. They take a bow during the booming laude.]

[Keiko]

Audience, please give it up for your beloved crew.

Velma Kelly will be played by none other than the cruel, revenge-seeking invader, Tak.

Roxie Hart, our star, will be portrayed by the lovely, enticing, and vividly dark Vidia of the Anti-Irken Rebellion.

Billy Flynn, our silver-tongued prince of the courtroom will be performed by the infamous, destructive Invader ZIM.

Matron "Mama" Morton, the greedy, mistress of murderers, Gaz.

Amos Hart, our loveable, paranormal investigating, freakish youth, Dib

Mary Sunshine, our nosy, prying yet slightly idiotic, GIR.

Hunyak, the foreign visitor scheduled to hang for crimes he didn't commit, Keef.

June, a terrible murderess of deceit, Invader Tenn.

Annie, the easily angered murderer, Skoodge.

Liz, another simply peeved off killer of Judgemenia jail, Lard Nar.

Cast, beautiful and talented, head back to your positions so we may get this progression underway.

[Cast slinks back behind the shield of the curtain. KEIKO bows once before continuing.]

Let yourselves calm in your seats, unwind, and prepare for a half-assed musical not written by myself. Also, I request you to take the time to see our donation box out front in the lobby. All money is given to the Red Cross for supplies for Japan. God be with them. Now, let this madness begin!

[Stage goes black. Suddenly, trumpets blare out a high note, trombones and saxes get jazzy. Feet tap in unison to the tempo. Snares roll.]

[Announcer/Computer]5, 6, 7, 8!

[Light reveals the stage, although one couldn't tell it was a stage if they hadn't seen it before the little introduction. Holograms cause the view to morph into a realistic scene of Chicago in the 20's. We zoom on the exterior of a bright, lively night, jazz club. A voot taxi flies up to the mouth of the building.]

[Dance Captain][man looking for Irken sisters]Has anybody seen the Irken sisters? (seeing the dark figure emerging from the interior)You, you're up in 5.[Tak] (getting out of the voot cruiser taxi)- Keep the change, Charlie.[Charlie - driver]- Thank you.[Dance Captain]Where the hell have you been? And where's your sister?[Tak]She isn't herself tonight…[Dance Captain]But tonight's your sister act![Tak]Don't sweat it. I can do it alone. Shit! All right! [Dance Captain]Alright, alright. Move it! Move it! Hurry up![Announcer/Computer]Ladies and gentlemen, the JV club is proud to present the Irken's hottest show in the universe. Two Jazz babes moving as one. The Irken sisters!

[Blackness on stage. Silhouettes of a gang of people are seen before a dark blue curtain. The audience awaits. Soon, music starts, a swing tune, people stomp their feet in time. Soon, the stage lights cut on, revealing the performers in black costume. Center and front is a lovely green-skinned girl with narrowed violet eyes, watching the crowd as if she was on top of the world. She begins:][Tak]Come on, babeWhy don't we paint the town?And all that JazzI'm gonna rouge my kneesAnd roll my stockings downAnd all that jazzStart the carI know a whoopee spotWhere the gin is coldBut the piano's hotIt's just a noisy hallWhere there's a nightly brawlAnd allThatJazz[Announcer/Computer]Make that one…[Tak]And all that jazzAnd all that jazzSlick your hairAnd wear your buckle shoesAnd all that JazzI hear that Father DipIs gonna blow the bluesAnd all that JazzHold on, honWe're gonna bunny hugI bought some aspirinDown at United DrugIn case you shake apartAnd want a brand new startTo dothat[Vidia] (imagining, dreamily)Jazz…

[A couple parts through a clearly employees/performers only area, two Irkens, male and female. The female, dressed in a pastel, shimmery 1920s gown, is hypnotized by the performance, her ridiculously dark purple eyes watching the show. The male, dressed in a pin-strip suit with icy blue eyes, places a matching hat upon his head, taking the girl in tow on his arm. Casting gaze behind him, he starts:]

[Rook]Let's go, babe.[Vidia]But I didn't even meet your friend. That-that manager guy.[Rook]Don't worry, Vid. It's all taken care of.[Vidia]You told him about me?[Rook]Yeah, kid. It's all arranged.

[With Vidia still absorbed in the show, Rook leads her from the building and into a nearby voot taxi.

Focus returns to the song and dance.][Tak]Find a flaskWe're playing fast and looseAnd all that jazzRight up hereIs where I store the juiceAnd all that jazzCome on, babeWe're gonna brush the skyI bet you lucky LindyNever flew so high'Cause in the stratosphereHow could he lend an earto allthatJazz?Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake[Fellow Performers]And all that jazz[Tak]Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break[Fellow Performers]And all that jazz[Tak]Show her where to park her girdleOh, her mother's blood'd curdle[Fellow Performers]If she'd hear her baby's queer[Tak]For allthatjazz

[Focus: Rook and Vidia are passionately kissing as they stumble through Vidia's apartment building, heading for her floor. The two carelessly hit her neighbor's door, whereupon the neighbor peers out, seeing the two heatedly snogging.]

[Vidia] (embarrassed)Oh!- Hello, Ms. Bitters.[Ms. Bitters] [annoyed]- Ms. Vidia...[Vidia]This is Rook. He's my brother.

[Attention back to performance.][Tak]AllthatjazzCome on, babeWhy Don't we paintThe town?And all that jazzAnd all that jazzI'm gonna *Rouge my kneesAnd roll my *Stockings downAnd all that jazzAnd all that jazzStart the carI know a whoopee spotWhere the gin is coldBut the piano's hotIt's just a noisy hallWhere there's a nightly brawlAnd allthatjazz

[Back at the apartment, Rook and Vidia are getting it on. They're in her bedroom, and the lights are dimmed.][Vidia]Say it again.[Rook]You're a star, kid. My little shooting star!

[Performance refocuses.]

[Tak]No, I'm no one's wifeBut, Oh, I love my lifeAnd allthatJazz!That Jazz!

[Back at the apartment, the two are winding down.][Vidia]Say it again, Rook.[Rook]Jesus.[Vidia]Hey, what's the hurry? Dib ain't gonna be home until midnight. Rookie? Rook? Hey, you know, I don't like you to feel like I'm nagging or anything. But don't you think it's about time for me to meet your friend down at the JV? It's been a month since you told him about me. I know. Cause that was the night they met Tak, plus her husband and her sister. You know, they said you found them in a kit together. Guess from where it's from. Dib opened it to somebody else. I'd throw him a party. - You're not going away, right?[Rook] (impatient)- It's getting late.[Vidia]I've been thinking a lot about my anthem. Whenever I get a really good idea, I write it down in my diary before it puts off in my head. And you know what's come to me? The other day, that all the really knock-out acts have something more different going on, you know? Like, a signature bed. And I thought my thing could be a loaf. Give them just enough to feel hungry but always leave them wanting more. Once I get a name for myself, maybe we can open up a club in Plookesia, you know? You could run it, and I could be the headliner.[Rook] (irritated)- Get off.[Vidia] (confused, hurt)- What's the idea?[Rook] (spiteful)Wake up, kiddo, you aren't never gonna have an act.[Vidia] (angered)Says who?[Rook]Face it, Vidie. You're two big towers with skinny legs. And I'm just an outcast of a fallen Rebellion.[Vidia]But you got connections. You know, that guy down at the club...[Rook]There's no guy.[Vidia] Yeah, that night...[Rook]It's the first time I set foot in that joint. I get clicked a bet from the trombone player.[Vidia]So you never told anyone about me?[Rook]Sugar, you're hot stuff. I would say anything to get a piece of that.[Vidia] (places hands on his chest)Stay then. Now?[Rook]It had some laughs. Let's just leave it like that.[Vidia] (desperate)Rook... You can't do this to me.[Rook] (annoyed and just bein' an ass)You get off! You touch me again, I'll put your lights out.[Vidia] (confused, harmed)- Wait...[Rook]- Your husband will be home soon, why don't you watch yourself. Don't head into shit again.[Vidia] (furious)- You're a liar, Rook.[Rook] (ballsy)- Oh, yeah, so what?[Vidia]You lied to me...[Rook]That's right, sweetheart. That's right.[Vidia] (moving for the dresser, she reveals a gun)You son of a bitch... (Draws trigger, fires a round) Son of a bitch! You son of a bitch!

[Vidia repeats to shoot Rook until his green blood is oozing across the carpet. Dib returns to their apartment with a dead stranger and his wifey on the floor, sobbing. Police are called. A phenomena sweeps the planet.]

[Opens on questioning. Characters stand at the scene of the crime, the couple's bedroom. Rook's body is shielded by a white blanket.][Photographer] (whispering to a companion)Why you bothering, Sal? This one's all wrapped up. I hear it's a new city record. From killing to confession in an hour for that.[Sergeant Fogarty]Why did you get a murder weapon?[Dib]I keep a gun in the underwear drawer. Just in case of trouble, you know.[Sergeant Fogarty]That's just fine. Sign right there, Mr. Membrane.[Dib]For you, I'll gladly.[Sergeant Fogarty]And mind that you don't say we beat you up when you're at the witness stand.[Dib]No, I give myself up. Surrender at my own free will.

[Eric the Blob] (in a seriously annoying voice)

It's indeed you're the murderer.[Vidia] (stubbornly, cringing at the tone of voice)Shooting a burglar ain't murder. Just last week jury sent a man-[Eric the Blob]I'm always grateful if the citizens know the law. Get him there. You, too. Sit down. Okay, from the top.[Dib]A man has got the right to protect his home and his loved ones, right?[Eric the Blob]Of course he has.[Dib]Well, I come home from the garage, I see him climbing through the window.[Eric the Blob]Aha![Dib]With my wife Vidia lying there, sleeping like an angel.[Eric the Blob] (stupidly)Is that true, Mrs. Membrane?[Dib]I'm telling you, that's the truth. My wife has nothing to do with it. She wouldn't hurt a worm. Not even a worm. Until I fired the first shot was when she opened her eyes. She was somehow still asleep. I would say she sleeps in charisma, I think of what would happen if I went off for a poop with the guys instead of coming straight home, it makes me sick even think about it...

[Vision fades. We see a black stage with glittering curtains as a backdrop. The voice of the Announcer/Computer is heard as a piano begins to play.][Announcer/Computer]For her first number, Ms. Vidia Membrane would like to sing a song of Loving Devotion, dedicated to her dear husband, Dib.

[A single spotlight finds the girl's human face, long auburn hair curled so tight it reaches her shoulders. She wears a pink, cleavage-revealing dress made with silk material. As she sings, the spotlight trails down her.][Vidia]Sometime's I'm rightSometime's I'm wrongBut he doesn't careHe'll String alongHe loves me soThat funny honey of mineSometime's I'm downSometime's I'm upBut he follows 'roundLike some droopy-eyed pupHe loves me soThat funny honey of mine

[Brief flash of Dib speaking with the Blob.]

[Dib]Like I said, even though I shot him, he kept coming at me. So I had to pull the trigger again.

[Back to the little song number.][Vidia]He ain't no sheikThat's no great physiqueYet Lord knows he got the smartsOh but look at that soulI tell you the wholeIs a whole lot greater thanThe sum of his partsAnd if you knew him like meI know you'd agreeWhat if the worldSlandered my name?Why he'd be right thereTaking the blameHe loves me soAnd it all suits me fineThat funny sunny honeyHubby of mine[Dib] (blushing and rubbing his neck)And supposed if... just supposed if he violated her or something. You know what I mean, violated?[Eric the Blob] (giggling)l know what you mean.[Dib]Or something. Think how terrible it'd have been. It's good thing I got home from skool on time. - I'm telling you that.[Vidia]He loves me soThat funny honey of mine[Dib]- I say I'm telling you that.[Eric the Blob]The name of deceased is Rook of Irk.[Dib]Rook of Irk? How could he be a burglar? My wife knows him. He fought with us in the infamous battle of the Anti-Irken and Earth. He helped us win! [Vidia]Lord knows he ain't got common sense…[Eric the Blob] (speaking as if unsure of his words)You told me he was the burglar? - You mean he was dead when you got home?[Dib] (relenting)I'm covering for her. She was telling me this cock and bull story about this burglar. And I'd say I did it because I was sure to get off. 'Help me, Dib.' she said, 'It's my goddamn hour of need.'[Vidia]Now he shut off his trapI can't stand that sap[Dib]And I believed that cheap little tramp. She's too smart on me, huh? And I protected her... I'm on the garage working my butt off 14 hours a day. And she's now promoted to a bon-bon? And traveling around like some goddamn pussy! She thought she can pull the world by but I wasn't pulled yet. I tell you that's something that I can't take. And this time she pushed me too far. I didn't shoot him. Fool, what a sap I was [Vidia] (slowly fading from song sequence)You double-crosser! You big bluffer mouth! You promised you'd stay...[Dib]What're you talking about? You've been setting me up, Vidia![Vidia] (nearly sobbing)- Goddamn it![Dib]- You told me it was a burglar! The whole time you've been jazzing...[Vidia]You are a disloyal husband! Look, it's true. I shot him. But it was self-defense. He was trying to burgle me.[Eric the Blob] (incomprehensive)From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the last month. So what do you say, Mrs. Membrane?[That disgusting neighbor that lived next to Zim's base.]- That's him, all right.[Eric the Blob]- Thank you. Your story doesn't work, Mrs. Membrane. So try this emphasize. Rook of Irk was a good time on the side but goofy here is your meal ticket.[Vidia]Meal ticket? He couldn't buy my liquor.[Eric the Blob]

And Rook could? With a wife and five little Rookie-poos? Or did he forget to mention them.[Vidia]What?[Eric the Blob] (going cross-eyed)Oh, yes.[Vidia] (clenching her fists, clearly angry)That bastard! Yes, I killed him. I would kill him again![Eric the Blob] (surprisingly serious and with a firm, normal tone)Once was enough. Take her downtown. Come on.

[Two Irken guards come forth and incarcerate Vidia, guiding her from the apartment roughly.][Reporter]Take it off! This way, honey. Oh, come on. It's a shame to hide such a beautiful face. Why you shoot him, honey? Why don't you give a profile, a little smile like the girl in the waffles ad?[Guard 1]Take a good look around while you can. The case is down. District attorney Blob says this is a hanging case.[Vidia] (suddenly worried)Hanging?[Eric the Blob]- I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow.[Vidia] (swallowing)Wait a minute, what do you mean hanging?[Eric the Blob] (smirking that kind of smile someone stupid but with insight would smile)Not so confident anymore, are you? Take her to the Judgemenia 543890 Jail.[Reporter] (Trailing and snapping pictures)Come on, sweetie. Headline. Why did you shoot him? Is it...[Vidia]Hey, what do you mean hanging?

[Interior: inspection area of Judgemenia jail. Vidia is guided to a seat where she is then apart of a row of prisoners. She spots a few familiar faces…]

[Warden]...Caffeine, cocaine or opium? Arm length. 31 inches... The matrons are on the way. So don't get too cozy. Put out that cigarette![Lard Nar] (leaning towards Vidia)Ever had Membrane before? She's fine... as long as you keep her happy.

[A lush, beautiful dining area is shown. Very fancy, with things like silk chairs and a crystal chandelier. As the band tunes up, a purple-haired, mean looking girl strolls onto a golden stage, dressed in a Victorian gown and sporting a black boa about her shoulders.]

[Announcer/Computer]And now, ladies and gentlemen. The keeper of the keys, the countess of the clink, the mistress of murderers' row. Matron Mama Membrane![Mama Membrane]Ask any of the chickies in my penThey'll tell you I'm the biggest mother henI love 'em all and all of them love meBecause the system worksThe system called reciprocity...

[Inspection room. A drab and ugly gray, especially in comparison to the fine dinner hall][Warden]On your feet.[Mama Membrane] (with an evil simper)Welcome, ladies.

[In the golden performance/dining hall]Got a little mottoAlways sees me through"When you're good to MamaMama's good to you".You might think I'd make your life a living hell, which is not true(mostly).There's a lot of favorsI'm prepared to doYou do one for MamaShe'll do one for you.I'd be your friend if you let if something upsets youor makes you unhappy in any way,don't shoot your fat-ass mouth on me'cause I won't give a shit. Now move it say that life is tit for tatAnd that's the way I liveSo, I deserve a lot of tatFor what I've got to giveDon't you know that this handWashes that one tooWhen you're good to MamaMama's good to you!

[Jail][Warden]Let's go![Mama Membrane]You must be Vidia. [Vidia]Yeah, that's me… M-ma'am…[Mama Membrane]Why don't you call me Mama? We can take care of you. You'd be happy taken down in these block. Murderers' Row, we called it.[Vidia]Oh, is that nicer? I don't think I'm really belonging here. I didn't actually do anything wrong.[Mama Membrane]Don't need to tell me...I've never heard of a man getting killed- when I've gotten used to - just come to talk-[Tak]Hey, mama. Come here.[Vidia] (shocked)Tak? You're I theI Tak? You know I was there that night? I was there that night that you got arrested.[Tak] (irritated)Yeah, you and half of Irk. Look at this, Mama. Another story of announcing me in Vortian magazine. 'Not in memory do we recall something so horrible as double homicide.'[Mama Membrane]You couldn't buy that kind of publicity.[Tak]Couldn't buy it? I guess I can keep these then.[Mama Membrane]Let's try.

[Performance. Mama Membrane has descended into the crowd, scowling in a cruel way with a vile smirk splitting her face.]If you want my gravyPepper my ragoutSpice it up for MamaShe'll get hot for youWhen they pass that basketFolk contribute toYou put in for MamaShe'll put out for youThe folks atop the ladderAre the ones the world adoresSo boost me up my ladder, KidAnd I'll boost you up yoursLet's all stroke togetherLike the Princeton crewWhen you're strokin' MamaMama's strokin' youSo what's the one conclusionI can bring this number to?When you're good to MamaMama's good to you!

[Dining hall is blacked out as the lights die. Scene brings us to a night-fallen Judgemenia jail. Vidia is curled up on her cot in her cell, freezing, trying to warm herself. She notices Mama Membrane strolling down the hall between the cells.][Vidia]Mama? It's... kinda freezing in here. You don't think maybe there's something wrong with the heat? Not that I'm complaining, mind you but... you know... lf you can bring some blankets on the way...[Mama Membrane] (leering)Lights out, ladies.

[Vidia is finding it difficult to sleep. She tosses and turns restlessly. The sink in the cell drips slowly, rhythmically. Voices of the other prisoners whisper in time to the dripping of the faucet.][Lard Nar]Pop.[Tenn]Six.[Skoodge]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz!

[Announcer/Computer]And now, the six merry murderers from the Judgemenia jail in their rendition of The Cell-block Tango.[Lard Nar]Pop.[Tenn]Six.[Skoodge]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz![Lard Nar]Pop.[Skoodge]Six.[Tenn]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz![All Murderers']They had it comingThey had it comingThey only had themselves to you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen it[Tak]I betcha you would have done the same![Lard Nar]Pop.[Tenn]Six.[Skoodge]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz![Lard Nar]Pop.[Tenn]Six.[Skoodge]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz![All Murderers']They had it comingThey had it comingThey only had themselves to you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen it[Tak]I betcha you would have done the same![Lard Nar]Pop.[Tenn]Six.[Skoodge]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz![Lard Nar, coming front stage]You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Spooldie. Sploodie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. bPop./b So, I came by this one day and I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy and there's Sploodie standin' by the landing deck, drinkin' some diet poop and chewin'. No, not chewin'. bIPopin'./I/b So, I said to him, I said, "Sploodie, you pop that gum one more time..."

And he did!

So I took the laser gun out of my holster and fired two warning shots...into his head.[All Murderers']He had it comingHe had it comingHe only had himself to you'd have been thereIf you'd have heard itI betcha you would Have done the same![Tenn]I met Bhlargorh from Taoola about two years ago, and he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner. And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married. ...oh, no, he had six wives. So that night when he came home from work. I mixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic! [All without Tenn]Hah! He had it coming / Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,He had it coming / Meekrob, Lipschitz!He took a flower In its primeAnd then he used it / Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,And he abused it / Meekrob, Lipschitz! It was a murderBut not a crime![Skoodge]Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, carvin' up a taco for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my girlfriend Xanado, in a jealous, fiery rage of raginess! "You been screwin' the engine check lady," she says. She was crazy and she kept on screamin' "You been screwin' the engine check lady," And then she ran into my knife! She ran into my knife TEN TIMES![All Murderers']If you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen itI betcha you would have done the same![The original dark, red lighting is replaced by a pure white color, shining on a red-haired child coming forward.]

[Keef]I just wanted to be his friend. Just to be good pals. Coming from to a new skool can be hard… I gathered friends to celebrate his well-being after him being sick for a long time. We all get there in the afternoon with presents and cake, but… He didn't like that… Not at all. I come in and lose my frigging eyeballs. Next thing I know, I'm being taken from his house and into outer space for a galactic trial on the invasion of an invader's base. They said I took things, saw too much, needed to be taken care of… They said I had stolen from their military… That was the main charge. [Vidia]Yeah, but did you do it?[Keef]UH-UH, not guilty![Tak]My sister and I had this double act and my husband traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five... Splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one night before the show we are in a hotel in Meekrob, the three of us, sittin' up in a hotel room, boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice, so I went out to get some. I come back, open the door and there's my sister and husband doing Number Seventeen -the spread eagle. [Spotlight blares unfocused in the background. Tak's hubby and sister are spread-eaglin', alright…] Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.[Tak, Murderers] They had it comingThey had it comingThey had it coming all along.I didn't do it/ She did not do it But if I'd done it (if she'd done it)How could you tell me that I was wrong? They had it comingThey had it coming They had it comingThey had it comingThey had it comingThey took a flowerAll alongIn its primeI didn't do itAnd then they used itBut if I'd done itAnd they abused itHow could you tell meIt was a murderThat I was wrong? / But not a crime![El]I loved Neghainer Lipschitz more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy... Sensitive...a painter. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself and along the way he found Miyuki, Mewi, Riginal and Zag.I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive, and I saw him dead.[All Murderers]The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bumThe dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum[All without El]They had it comin'They had it comin'They had it comin'They had it comin'They had it comin'They had it comin'All alongAll along'Cause if they used us'Cause if they used usAnd they abused usAnd they abused usHow could you tell usHow could you tell usThat we were wrong? That we were wrong?[Tak, Tenn, Keef]He had it comingHe had it comingHe only had Himself To you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen itI betcha You would Have done The same![Lard Nar]You pop that gum one more time![Tenn]Single my ass.[Skoodge]Ten times! [Keef]I was trying to be nice.[Tak]Number Seventeen - the spread eagle.[El]Artistic differences.[Lard Nar]Pop.[Tenn]Six.[Skoodge]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz![Lard Nar]Pop.[Tenn]Six.[Skoodge]Squish.[Keef]Uh-Uh.[Tak]Meekrob.[El]Lipschitz!

[The red glow turns to blackness. The prisoners return to sleep. Vidia sinks back into her bed, the six chants of the murderer's ringing in her restless slumber.

The next morning peers through the high jail window. The murderers and other prisoners are at work.][Vidia]Who brings along them?[Skoodge]- What's it to you?[Vidia]- Who then? Nothing. Heard they were Tak's.[Lard Nar]Keef has done all his laundry for a couple of weeks.[Vidia]Fresh towels for a change. [Warden]Make it quick.[Mama Membrane]- (whispers)Vidia is eavesdropping…(normally)...I can take care of you. There're a couple of things, let me analyze to , Zim set a travel on March 5th. March 7th, you would be quit. On March 8th, you know what Mama gonna do for you? Mama gonna put you back on the Gothic circus.[Tak]So now you're an agent too?[Mama Membrane]Until you install private line in your cell, all calls are gonna go through me.[Tak]What kind of dough are we talking about?[Mama Membrane]You know, it's a crazy world. I mean, Justin Bieber is getting millions for being terrible and undeveloped…[Tak]Yeah. And what about someone with real talent?[Mama Membrane]Well, I can talk to the boys over at the Massive. With your recent sensation activity, they seems of thinking to give you $2,500.[Tak]$2,500? Geez, that's not saying a lot compared to what me and my sister made…[Mama Membrane]That's what happens when you have a Redbook presentation-whatever the hell that is...[Tak]You know what, Mama? I always wanted to play those Game Slave games you always play. Except that cool virtual-reality one where they put you in the action… Do you think you can get me that?[Mama Membrane]The new 3D? I don't know. It's gonna take you another phone call.[Tak]How much is that gonna cost?[Mama Membrane]Come on, Tak. I feel about you. You're like family to me. Since you traumatized Dib, you're like one of my own. - I'll do for 50 bucks. (whispers) plus interest.[Tak]- 50 bucks for a phone call? You must've got a lot of wrong numbers, Mama.

[Vidia walks in with an armful of clean linen][Vidia]Oh, Miss Tak. There's your personals. Oh, no. It's my pleasure. Hey, I ask you something? You know that Blob guy? He said that what I've done is a hanging case and he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty.[Tak]Yeah? So?[Vidia]So, I'm scared. I sure would appreciate some advice, especially from someone I admire as much as you. Since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage.[Tak]Really? What's your talent? Mindless shooting and mass murder?[Vidia]No. Well, yes, but… I dance in the chorus. That was before I met my husband...[Tak]Look, honey, you want some advice? Here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your paws off my underwear, okay?[Vidia] (embarrassed but pissed)Yeah, okay. Thanks... for nothing.[Mama Membrane] (following Vidia as she walks away)She's not that nice, ain't she? I tell you, no matter how big she gets, she's still as common as ever. I'd like to help you. Take aloft. So, what do you figure to use for grounds?[Vidia]What do you mean grounds?[Mama Membrane]What are you gonna tell the jury, stupid?[Vidia]I'm afraid I have to tell him the truth.[Mama Membrane]- The truth?[Vidia]- Yeah.[Mama Membrane]That's the one that'll take you to the death house.[Vidia] (grief-stricken, hand clutching chest)Holy mother of God.[Mama Membrane]Relax. I mean, on this planet, murder is a form of entertainment. Besides, in 47 light years Judgemenia never hung a woman yet. So even it's 47 and 1, they won't hang you.[Vidia]- Jesus Mary Joseph.[Mama Membrane]You're talkin' to the wrong people What you need is Invader Zim.[Vidia]- Who?[Mama Membrane]- Invader Zim. Best person I know who can jack up a situation worse than it was. You're in so deep, what he has will probably help you. Best up-fucker in the universe. [Vidia]How do you get this Invader Zim?[Mama Membrane]Not by prayer, dear. First, you give me a hundred dollars. Then I'll make aphone call.[Vidia]A hundred dollars? Will you just... I mean, it seems pretty stiff for a phone call.[Mama Membrane]Over this work that we sent, he never lost a case for a female client yet. And a sweet little puss like yours, let's just say what a blindness you got.[Vidia]He never lost a case?[Mama Membrane]Never. Every girl in this place would kill to have Invader Zim representing them.

[Bright lights reveal a long staircase with bulbs lining it. Red velvet curtains hang back with golden ropes. Girls in showsy costumes file in, tall red headdresses fluttering as they run in. They begin to dance.]

[Girls]We want ZimGive usZ. I. 're all hisHe's our kind of a guyAnd ooh what luckCause here he is...[Announcer/Computer]Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver tongued prince of destruction,the one and only... Invader Zim!

[Zim appears at the head of the stairs in a silver suit, tapping his foot and wiggling a cane. He descends as music starts.][Zim, girls]I don't care about expensive thingsFine trench coats, or neon ringsDon't mean a thingAll I care about is loveThat's what I'm here forI don't care for wearin' silk cravatsSilver studs, gothic spatsDon't mean a thingAll I care about is loveAll he cares about is loveGive me twoEyes of blueSoftly sayingI need youLet me see her standin' thereAnd honest, mister, I'm a millionaireI don't care for any fine attireVanderbilt might admireNo, no, not me- All I care about is love... - All he cares about is love

[Zim enters the jail area, coat tucked under his arm and hat in hand, tipping it to passerbys. Tak is following behind him, glaring around.]Good morning, ladies.[Keef]Not guilty![Zim]You tell him, Ifilthy/I dirt-child.[Keef]Not guilty! Come on!

[Brief flash of the show stairs]

[Girls]That's what he's here for

[Jail]

[GIR]Excuse me! Miss Mean-looking lady, do you remember anything at all about that night?[Tak]I passed out. I can't remember a thing. Only that I didn't do it.[GIR]EHEHEHHE! You talk funny… Any idea who did it?[Zim]No. But my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information about this crime.[GIR]Master! What're you doing here? (Blinks. Then continues in a normal voice.) How much is the reward, Miss Tak?[Tak]- I don't know, how much?[Zim]- We'll work it out after the trial. Now, if there's no more question, Miss Tak and I have got a lot of work to do.[Tak] (whispering to Zim)Zim, you revolting meat-sack, what is that about the reward?[Zim] (mumbling into her antennae)If the reporters ask again, deny the whole thing later on. (To the crowd of reporters)- Thank you![Reporter]- One more question...

[Show room]

[Girls]All he cares about is love

[Jail. Vidia has managed to catch up with the two through the onlookers and follows them into the interrogation room.]

[Vidia]- Mr. Zim, I'm Vidia Membrane.[Zim]- Who?[Vidia]Vidia, you heard about me. Oh, yeah. The cute one. I was hoping that you might represent me.[Zim]You have $5,000?[Vidia] (nervously)That's a lot of money. Mama didn't say anything about $5,000. Look, Mr. Zim.I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but... Maybe we could make some sort of arrangement between us. And I can be an awfully good sport.[Zim]Good, you got the idea system. Listen, you mean just one thing to me. You call me when you got $5,000.

[Show room. Streamers fly through the air.]

[Zim, girls]All he cares about is loveShow me long Raven hairFlowin' down, about to thereWhen I've seenHer runnin' freeKeep your money, that's enough for meI don't care for drivin' Earth carsOr smoking Long Buck CigarsNo, no, not meAll I care about isDoin' the guy inWho's pickin, on youTwistin' the wristThat's turnin' the screwAll I care aboutis love!

[Scene ends. The exterior of Mr. Zim's office is shown. Dib has entered with his hat twisting in his hands. The secretary waves him in.][Secretary]Oh, he'll see you now.

[Dib enters through the beautifully carved door, glancing around.][Zim]Hello, Dob. (whispering) You disgusting beast…[Dib]Dib. My name is Dib.[Zim]That's right. (gesturing to leather, levitating chair before his desk) Take a seat. You know, you're a remarkable man, Dib. Your wife used you twice. Pluck the guy and try to pick it on you. Most men are gonna dim like that swing. But no, you're sticking by her. Actually you're a hero in my eyes, you horrible human…[Dib] (slightly confused but flattered by the compliment.]Uhhh… That's right. I'm a hero.[Zim]Did you bring the money?[Dib]I didn't do as well as I hoped. But, I will, Mr. Alien. I will.[Zim] (irritated)This is only a thousand.[Dib]Plus this 300 I borrow from the guy down at the garage, and the 700 from the building in Long Fund.[Zim]Eh? $2,000?[Dib]And that's all I got so far. But I'd give you $20 of my salary every week.I'd give you a note with interest. Double, triple, until every cent is paid, Ipromise.[Zim]You came to me yesterday, I didn't ask you if she's guilty. I didn't ask if she's innocent. I didn't ask you if she's drunk, or a dope, no! All I said was, do you have $5,000? You said yes! But you don't have $5,000! So I figure you're a dirty lying Dib-beast, and I don't waste my time with such a terrible dirt-child as you.[Dib]Look... I'm really sorry, Mr. Zim.[Zim]On the other hand, your devotion to your wife is really very touching. I'll take your wife's case. And I'll keep it. Because I play square. Now look, I don't like to blow my own horn. But believe me. If Jesus Christ lives in Irk today and if he had $5,000 and he came to me, things would have turned out differently. All right, this is what we gonna do. At the end of the week,I'm gonna have Vidia's name at the front page of every newspapers in little Jazz killer in the universe. That's the angle I'm after. You make an announcement, we're gonna have an auction. Tell them we gotta raise some money for the defense. They'll buy everything that she touched. Everything. Your shoes, your dresses, your perfumes, your underwear.

[During the talk with Dib, image changes to Zim talking with Vidia.][Vidia]And the trolled records. Like the one I was playing when I shot the bastard.[Zim]I didn't hear that.[Vidia]Not that I didn't have ground to remind you. Hey, what are they?[Zim]When we go to trial, nobody is gonna care a lick what your defense is unless they care about you. So first thing we gotta do is work up some sympathy from the press. And I'll push you like some malfunctioning SIR unit. But there was one thing they can never resist. And that is a reformed sinner. So tell me, what's yourfavorite subject in the training academy?[Vidia]There... I was a real damn...[Zim]There must be something that you're really good at.[Vidia]I got high marks in Stealth and Strategy.[Zim]Perfect, you wanted to be a guard to the Tallest.[Vidia]Excuse me?[Zim]When were you born?[Vidia]On a reformat village near the bottom of Irk.[Zim]Beautiful setting home, feel every luxury in refinement. Where're your parents now?[Vidia]I don't know. I never even knew them…

[Zim]They're dead. Family fortune swept away. You're educated as a sacred heart. Then you fell into a runaway marriage. Left you miserable, alone, unhappy. Of course you got all swept up in a mad world, the city. Jazz, cabarets, 're drawn like a moth to the flame. [Vidia]A moth?[Zim]Now I am a man who will assist and you're a butterfly. Crushed on a wheel![Vidia]Wait, what did you say? Is it the moth or the butterfly?[Zim]- You have sin in your soul.[Vidia]- God, that's beautiful.[Zim]Cut out God. Stay with your battle acquainted. Kid, when I'm through with you,not only will you be acquainted, you can remain on the jury. I wanna take you home to meet his mother.

[Hours pass. Vidia is rehearsing her testimony with Mama Membrane and Zim.]

[Vidia]I was born on a beautiful Southern corn dent.[Mama Membrane]- What?[Vidia]- Holy shit! I'll never gotta get this straight![Zim] (a tad annoyed)Pipe down with the swearing. Look, from here on, you'll say nothing wrong. Now try it again.[Vidia] (concentrating)- I was born on...

[The next day, Zim glides through the jail, waiting on Vidia. Standing in the hall, Tak approaches.]

[Tak] - Come on, Zim... You know what I'm gonna do at witness stand? I thought I'd get all teary eye'd and ask for your handkerchief. Then I think I'd take a peek at the jury like this. Flash a bit of the thigh, what do you think?[Zim] (distracted)It sounds great.[Tak]Hey, don't you want to hear the rest?[Zim]Knock it off. You're on the top of my list. (To Vidia)Well, well, well.[Vidia] (emerges from a nearby door)Sorry to be late, Mr. Zim. Hope you're not too bored.[Zim]I like it. I like it.

[Tak] (pulling Vidia aside)Hey, I heard your press conference is tomorrow.[Vidia]Yeah, what is to you?[Tak]Well, you wanted my advice, right? Whatever it is, don't forget Invader Zim'snumber-one client is Invader Zim.[Vidia]Meaning what?[Tak] (the two start toe return to Zim's side.)Meaning, don't let him hug the spotlight. You're the one that pays the scene.[Zim]Remember, we can only sell them one idea.[Vidia]I can still see him coming at me with that awful look in his eyes.[Zim]And?[Vidia]And we... both reached for the gun.[Zim]That's right, you both reached for the gun.- Ready?[Vidia]- Yeah.

[The following day, Zim and Vidia are standing on the court room steps, the sun hidden behind storm clouds. A thick audience of reporters and photographers are all focused on Vidia and Zim to start the questioning.]

[Zim]Thank you, gentlemen. Miss.. Eh, name?

[GIR]

MY NAME'S SUSAN!

[Zim] Ehhh, Miss Susan…My client just entered pleas of not guilty. We look forward to the trial the earliest possible dates. Now is there any question? Miss Susan.[GIR]

Hahahhahahhaa! (Laughs insanely) Master called me Susan! (Sticks out tongue)As you know, my paper is dry. WHERE'S MY INK! Do you have any advice for young girls, speaking to avoid the life of Jazz and drink?[Zim]Absolutely, yes. Mrs. Membrane feels that it was the tragic combination of liquorand Jazz, which lead to the downfall. Next question, please.[Vidia] (a bit awkwardly)Ladies and gentlemen, I'd just like to say how flattered I am that you all came to see me.[Zim] (startled, confused, placing a hand on Vidia's arm warningly)Mrs. Membrane is very...[Vidia] (stuttering, looking confused and attempting to get the lines straight)You see, I was a moth... crushed on a wheel. You know, butterfly drawn to the... (Pursing her lips, she gives up) I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard.[Zim] (angered, tugging her arm and hissing)Shut up, dummy.

[A long stage is shown. Zim sits on a black chair with Vidia propped on his lap, her face drawn like a dummy's, mouth hanging slackly. A yellow curtain is their background. The curtain is soon drawn back, revealing the reporters looking like a bunch of string puppets being controlled by some unknown force.]

[Announcer/Computer]Mr. Invader Zim in the press how the mouth never moves... almost.

[Music starts. A joking, light tune.]

[Reporter]Where'd you come from?[Zim]Southern Irk[Reporter]And your parents?[Zim]Very wealthy.[Reporter]Where are they now?[Zim]Six feet she was granted one more startThe Guardian of The Sacred Heart![Reporter]When'd you get here?[Zim]1920[Reporter]How old were you?[Zim]Don't remember[Reporter]Then what happened?[Zim]I met Dib MembraneAnd he stole my heart awayConvinced me to elope one day[GIR]Oh, poor girl, I can't believe what you've been through. A guard to the Almighty Tallest, a runaway marriage. Now tell us, 's Rook of Irk? Wait.. Wasn't that the mean, scary-[Zim] (growling in a whisper) IGIR!/I (in song)My ex-boyfriend.[Reporter]Why'd you shoot him?[Zim]I was leavin'.[Reporter]Was he angry?[Zim]Like a madmanStill I said, Rook, move knew that she was doin' wrong.[Reporter]Then describe it.[Zim]He came toward me.[Reporter]With a laser?[Zim]From my bureau.[Reporter]Did you fight him?[Zim]Like a had strength and she had yet we both reached for the gunOh yes, oh yes, oh yes we bothOh yes we bothOh yes, we both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes, we both reached for the gun[All]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,Oh yes, they both reached for the gunfor the gun.[Zim] (loud and in that rough way)Understandable. UnderstandableYes, it's perfectly understandableComprehensible. ComprehensibleNot a bit reprehensibleIt's so defensible![Reporter]How're you feeling?[Zim]Very frightened[GIR] (giggling)Are you sorry?[Vidia] Are you kidding? (Soon after knocked by Zim in the head)[Reporter]What's your statement?[Zim]All I'd say isThough my choo-choo jumped the trackI'd give my life to bring him back[Reporters]And?[Zim]Stay away from[Reporters]What?[Zim]Jazz and liquor[Reporters]And?[Zim]And the men who[Reporters]What?[Zim]Play for fun[Reporters]And what?[Zim]That's the thought that[Reporters]Yeah[Zim]Came upon me[Reporters]When?[Zim]When we both reached for the gun![Zim and GIR] (the two both start to ball room dance. The overhead lights dim and focus on the two)Understandable, understandableYes, it's perfectly understandableComprehensible, comprehensibleNot a bit reprehensibleIt's so defensible!

(Lights blaze back on. All reporters are dancing as their strings jump. Zim is sneering and shaking his puppet's head back and forth, looking to Vidia then away.)

[Reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached for[Zim] (cupping hand to mouth)Let me hear it![Reporters]The gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes, they both reachedFor the gunFor the gun[Zim]A little louder![Reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached- Oh, yeahFor the gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes. They both reachedFor the gunOh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes, they both reached for the yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gun[Zim]Both reached for the...gun!

[Lights die on the cast. Scene is in darkness. The image is shown in grainy texture in black and white, like an old television set.]

[Announcer/Computer]...The dictating planet has taken a new criminal to a charge. Let me remind you the name is Vidia Membrane. The sweetest lady ever accused in a murder on want to look like her. Fellows want to go out with her. Some little girls even want to take her home. Don't get any idea, little lady. On the other side of town, the assistant D.A. promise the game little jump shooter[Eric the Blob]I will swing before dark.[Announcer/Computer]Who knows? If he lit up to his word, assistant D.A. Blob might become Tallest Blob someday. At the scene of the crime, everybody wants a little piece of Vidie Membrane. The jar would send her husband back 20 dollars! Maybe this pretty little lady would get some of that famous Vidie style. It seems everybody these days is looking for Vidia Membrane.

[Television cuts. We fade in on the jail where Vidia and Mama Membrane reside.][Mama Membrane]Send the flowers to the yard and you make sure they send them. So, kiddo, you have any thought on what you wanna do after Zimmy gets you off?[Vidia]Yeah, I think I'd like to go on stage.[Mama Membrane]I figure it as much. I already called the Morris office.[Vidia]Really? How much is that gonna cost me?[Mama Membrane]It's a fair deal. 10% of all your takings. [Vidia]Yeah, we'll see, Mama. Besides, I don't even have an act yet.[Mama Membrane]Killing Rook was your act. That's solo steps in the audience. That song is my favorite.[Vidia]It's a freak act. Besides, I'm better than that.[Mama Membrane]Of course you are. I mean, you can be as big as Megan Fox.[Vidia]You really think so?[Mama Membrane]Maybe Jhonen Vasquez and Brandon Boyde combined.[Vidia]You know, I always wanted to have my name on the papers. Before I met Dib, I used to date this wealthy dude, ugly Vortian. He used to take me out and show me off. Ugly guys like to do that.

Once it said in the paper, gangland alcopaly, 'seen a shade Vito with cute Irken'. That was me. You know all my life, I wanted to have my own act. But, no... Always no, they always turned me down. One big world-full of no. And then Dib came along. Save sweet Dib, who never says no. [Scene changes. Vidia is standing in a white dress, floor length with a split up the leg, with a white feathery boa around her, on a black stage before black curtains. She is in spotlight, talking to a crowd of people.] I've never done this before. But you know, it's such a special night. And you are such a great audience! And I really feel like I can talk to you, you know? So forget what you read in the papers. And forget what you heard on the radio. Because...because I'm gonna tell you the truth. Not that the truth really matters. But I'm gonna tell you anyway. In the bed apartment, Dib was... zero. I mean, when he made love to me, it goes like... was he fixing a carburetor or something. [choppily, breathy] I love you, honey... [normally] Anyway, I start to fool around. And I start screwing around. Which is fooling around without dinner. Then I met Rook. He said he could get me into a bought film. But that didn't quite work out like I planned.I guess it didn't really work out for Rook either. So I gave up the whole you can't figure out for all of these, opportunities just pass you by. But...And now, with all these publicity, I got me a world full of yes!

[A microphone appears, more lights cut on to reveal a much larger stage than before. Vidia starts to sing with a grin on her face.]

The name on everybody's lipsIs gonna beVidiaThe lady rakin' in the chipsIs gonna beVidiaI'm gonna be a celebrityThat means somebody everyone knowsThey're gonna recognize my eyesMy hair, my teeth, my boobs, my noseFrom just some dumb paranormal investigator's wifeI'm gonna beVidiaWho says that murder's not a gain?And who in case she doesn't hangcan say she started with a bang?Vidia Membrane!Boys…

[Other men of different races come in white tuxes. They wear matching top hats and wield canes.]

[Vidia and company]They're gonna wait outside in lineTo get to seeVidiaThink of those autographs I'll signGood luck to you,VidiaAnd I'll appear in LavaliereThat goes all the way down to my waistHere a ring, there a ringEverywhere a ring a lingBut always in the best of taste[Vidia] (recitative whisper)Oooh, I'm a the audience loves I love the audience and they love mefor loving them. And I love them for loving we jus' love each 's because none of us got any love in our that's show biz,Kid.[Vidia and company]She's giving up her humdrum lifeI'm gonna made a scandal and a Taylor Swift will shit, I knowTo see her name get billed belowVidia Membrane!Vidia

Vidia

Vidia

Vidia

[Lights cut suddenly into blackness. We return to Tak's cell.]

[Tak]I just can't take it anymore. Can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb celery stalk![Mama Membrane]I've got some bad news, kid. The tool has been cancelled.[Tak]What?[Mama Membrane]Your name is out of the paper too long. I read about today, it's the Membrane kid. She's hot.[Tak]And what am I supposed to do? Suck up to her like everybody else?[Mama Membrane]It couldn't hurt.[Tak]Over my dead body.[Camera changes, revealing Tak with Vidia.]Mind if I join you?[Mama Membrane] (voice off screen)Lights out [Tak] (offers a cig)Smoke? Look what some Johnny sent me. Triple cream caramel, all the way from San Francisco.[Vidia]Oh, I'm watching my figure. You know, the trial.[Tak]Hey, great mentioned that you're on a trip today, huh?[Vidia]There have been so many, I just can't keep track.[Tak]Let me tell you, you're exactly same size as my sister. I mean, you fit intoher costumes perfectly.[Vidia]Really?[Tak]Yeah, and I'm just thinking, you know, with all the publicity piled up between us when Zim gets us off, we would be a natural to do an act together.[Vidia]You think so?[Announcer/Computer]Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Tak in Act of Desperation.

[Tak appears in a black background in costume of red and black with pearls and feathers. There is a chair before her. She begins to explain.]

[Tak]My sister and I had an act that couldn't flopMy sister and I were headed straight for the topMy sister and I earned a thou a week at leastOh, yeah!But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceasedOh, I know it's sad, of courseBut a factis still a factAnd now all that remainsIs the remainsOf a perfectdoubleact!Watch have to match it with 2 's just all two I'd... [Tak moves complicatedly.]Then she'd... [Enacts her sister]Then we'd... [Flips]But I can't do it alone!Then she'd... [Swings around the chair]Then I'd…[Follows where her sister would've moved]Then we'd...But I can't do it alone!She'd say, "What's your sister like?"I'd say, "Men,"She'd say, "you're the cat's meow"Then we'd wow the crowd againWhen she'd go...I'd go...We'd go...And then those ding-dong daddies started to roarWhistled, stomped and stamped on the floorYelling, screaming, begging for we'd say, "O.K. fellas, keep your socks up."you ain't seen nothin' yet!"But I simply cannot do italone!So what do you think?Come on, you can say.[Vidia]Pfrrrrrr![Tak]I know, you're first part is the second part...Second part is really , When she'd go...I'd go...We'd go...And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brownTo cheer the best attraction in townThey nearly tore the balcony downAnd we'd say. "Okay, boys...we're goin' home, but before we go here's a few more partin' shots!"And this...this we did in perfect , you've seen me goin' through itIt may seem there's nothin' to itBut I simply cannot do itAlone![Vidia]So where's the part where you blew their brains out?[Tak]Okay, Vidie. I'll leave..[Vidia]No, don't bother. You think you're fooling me? You're all washed up. And it's me they want now, and I'm a big star. Single. Oh, I almost forgot. You're in the paper today too. In the back. Tak's trial has been postponed indefinitely. Seven words. Here a little piece of advice. Direct from me to you. Lay off the caramels.

[Announcer/Computer]And now, for all you Irk's stay-up-laters. Night hours would only come alive at the dark. We dedicate this tune. Irk After Midnight.

[Image cuts. We see another prisoner being brought in. Irken with a scowl of rage, irritated. She's wearing only a fur coat and undergarments. She's being escorted by four guards, as she's struggling viciously.]

[Zim]This all took place on Irk? Incredible. All right. Thanks. They just arrested this woman for triple homicide.[Man]Really?[Zim]Yeah, get this. She's an Aries! And her family is in the pineapple or grapefruit, some kind of fruits.

(Camera changes)

The demon Kitty works in something... She's playing house. On the north side in an apartment, she met Harry. What Harry does for living, no one's quite sure. But it doesn't really matter cause she's paying all the bills. Anyhow, Kitty comes home tonight. Harry was already in bed. She goes to change. When she returns, she notices something rather odd, extremely odd. There're strippers in the apartment. Kitty disappears for a second. And she returns,she gently wakes up Harry. Harry says, ''What? I'm alone!'' ''Alone?'' she says, '' you have two other women in bed with you!'' And Harry says, ''Come on, darling, you gonna believe what you see or what I tell you?''[Announcer/Computer]Good night, folks.

[Reporters follow the prisoner in as the guards and Zim guide her.]

[GIR]Angry, funny-lookin' lady! GIR from- ehehe, I doan know. Would you mind saying a word or two?[Prisoner]Sure I'll say something. Go to hell! [Zim]Please direct your question to the counsel.[Prisoner]Tell the counsel I want my money back![Zim]It's not your money. It's your mother's money.[GIR]Are you sorry, angry lady?[Prisoner]Yeah, I'm sorry that I got caught.[Vidia]Oh, Mr. GIR.[GIR]Hey Crazy Lady![Vidia]I got a letter from a guy. He says he gonna hunger strike till I'm free.[GIR]That's nice. [The reporters and prisoner rush by Vidia's cell.][Reporter]Did you know these two ladies personally?[Prisoner]Did I know these two ladies personally? Was that your question? [Reporter]Yeah, that's my... [Prisoner kicks reporter][Mama Membrane]She's very hot spirited, isn't she?[Vidia]Hey, Mr. Zim.[Zim]-Yeah, hi, Tracy.[Vidia]-It's Vidia.[Zim]Yeah, sure, I'm just kidding.[Vidia]Did you get my trial date yet?[Zim]-Listen, kid.[Vidia]-I'm on top of your list, right?[Prisoner]Go to hell![Zim]What a helling, huh? And social-like too. Her mother owns all the waffles in universe.[Vidia]What the hell do I care about waffles?[Zim]All right... That's all for the questions. And I'll be happy to get back to you myself.[Vidia]Zimmy...[Tak] (strolling vilely towards Vidia)How does it feel, kid? Pretty soon we won't be able to find your name in the papers.[Vidia] (weakly, mind racing, clutching the cell bars.)Mr. Zim? (Faints)

[The reporters and Zim rush to the cell door.]

[Zim] (frantic)Someone open the door immediately.[GIR]Oh, my god.(whispers) Is that a squirrel? (louder) Vidia! What is it that's gotten into you?[Vidia] (weakly, clutching Zim's arm.)Oh, no. Don't worry about me. I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby.[Mama Membrane]Baby?[Tak]Shit!

[Cut scene. We see the exterior of a hospital. Soon transitioned to the interior. Zim exit's a room, speaking to the doctor.][Zim]Well, doctor, is she or isn't she?[Doctor]She is.[Zim]Would you swear that statement in court?[Doctor]-Yes.[Zim]-Good. Button your fly.

[Time passes. We see Zim and a nurse on the front steps of the hospital with Vidia in a wheel chair with a blanket across her lap.][Vidia]I would just like to say that my own life doesn't matter now. It's just that of my unborn child.[GIR]Poor girl, you'd have your baby born in jail. My readers won't stand for that. MONKEY![Zim]I can assure you that won't happen. The trial would come in the least possible moment.[Mama Membrane]First time we're ever have more than one girl locked up.

[Dib] (from the back of the crowd)Hey, Vidia… VIDIA! I just heard the good news! I'm the father.[Reporter]Hey, Vidie, who's the father?[Zim]The question is completely out of line. How dare you insult this brave young woman?[Dib]Vidia, honey! It's me, it's daddy! Vidia, I'd get to you as soon as I could.

[Scene changes. We see Dib on a single, black stage. He is dressed as a hobo clown, sad, hands behind back.]

If someone stood up in a crowdAnd raised his voice up way out loudAnd waved his arm and shook his legYou'd notice himIf someone in the movie showYelled "Fire in the second row"This whole place is a powder keg!You'd notice himAnd even without clucking like a henEveryone gets noticed, now and then,Unless, of course, that personage should beInvisible, inconsequential me!CellophaneMister CellophaneShoulda been my nameMister Cellophane'Cause you can look right through meWalk right by meAnd never know I'm there...I tell been my nameMisterCellophane'Cause you can look right through meWalk right by meAnd never know I'm there...

[Zim and Dib can be seen in Zim's office. Zim is sitting at his desk with his hands crossed before him, looking grim. Dib is jittery in the seat before him.]

[Zim]Oh, I didn't see , Ihorrible, hideous, human-worm!/I(forces himself into control, clears throat), I'm afraid I'm gotta hit you hard.I can only hope you would think about it.[Dib]-Dib, my name is Dib.[Zim]-Who says it wasn't?It was the kid's name I was thinking know when she is due?'d pass out those cigars anyway.I don't want you to give a damn on the people.

[Dib]-People what?[Zim]-Laugh.[Dib]-Laugh? Why would they laugh?[Zim]They can count. Can you count? 's the first copy of Vidia's statement from D.A. office. Says she hasn't copulated with you for four months prior the incidents.[Dib]She would know. Yeah, I guess we've done no copulating since... Wait a doesn't figure out right. I couldn't be the father.[Zim]Well, forget about that. My client needs your support.[Dib]You mean she needs a meal ticket? That's all I've ever been. This time she's gone too far.[Zim]What you gonna do? Divorce her?[Dib]You're damn right! I'll divorce her! She probably won't even notice.[Zim]Yeah. I'm sorry, Earth-filth.[Dib] (back to his hobo song)A human being's made of more than airWith all that bulk, you're bound to see him thereUnless that human bein' next to youIs unimpressive, undistinguishedYouKnowwho...

[Zim's office]

[Zim] (standing and peering out the window at the Irken city.)-You're still in here?

[Song]

[Dib]-Yeah, I'm still in been my nameMister Cellophane'Cause you can look right through meWalk right by meAnd never know I'm there...I tell yaCellophaneMister CellophaneShoulda been my nameMister Cellophane'Cause you can look right through meWalk right by meAnd never know I'm thereNever even know I'm there.

[Office][Dib]I hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

[Scene ends. We are taken to the jail where we see Zim tapping his foot impatiently, waiting on Vidia.][Zim]I've been waiting for you 10 minutes. Don't do that again.[Vidia]This dress makes me look like a woolworth lambshake. I'm not wearing this.[Zim]You wear it because I tell you to wear it.[Vidia]I'm not wearing this dress.[Zim]And when that stink-beast is on the stand, I want you to do knitting.[Vidia]Knitting? For Christ's sake.[Zim]A baby garment.[Vidia]I don't know how to knit![Zim]Then learn.[Vidia]That's no way to win the jury's sympathy.[Zim]You don't need advice anymore?[Vidia]Look at here, Mr. Mouthpiece. It seems to me that I'm the one who's coming up with the good ideas. I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do. And you treat me like dirt. You treat me like some dumb, common criminal.[Zim]But you Iare/I some dumb, common criminal.[Vidia]Well, it's better than be a greasy-mite lawyer.[Zim]Who's up to be saving your ass. [Vidia]Who is up for all that he can steal![Zim]Maybe you'd like to appeal on court without me.[Vidia]Maybe I could. Have you read the morning papers? They love me.[Zim]There maybe a lot more when you hang. You know why? 'Cause it's sold more papers.[Vidia] (furiously, fists quivering)You're fired![Zim] (gathering his things from the table)I quit.[Vidia]Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case.[Zim]You're a phony celebrity. You're a flash. In a couple of weeks, no one would give a shit about you. That's life.

[Zim storms out, leaving Vidia alone in the cell with her entire frame trembling. She stares at the door for a moment before shouting out angrily and kicking the table. Cut scene. We return to the jail where the cell mates was chillaxing, being prisoners and whatnot.]

[Keef screams off-camera]No! Not guilty![Vidia]What happened?[Tak]It's Keef. He lost the last appeal.[Vidia]So what does that mean?[Tak]What that means? Next week, he's gonna...

[We are shown a gray, rainy court yard. A platform with looped rope hangs drably. Keef is escorted onto it, hands bound, silently crying.][GIR]This is SUSANNN! Coming to you from the Judgemenia Jail, where history will be made today. Keef who makes the yummy waffles will become the first human on the planet Irk to be executed. And so ladies and gentlemen... [Announcer/Computer]And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and your entertainment, we proudly present Keef and his famous Disappearing Act.

[Drum roll. Keef is seen in a male ballet dancer's outfit on a solid black area. Never looking to the crowd, he climbs up a tall latter. He slips the knoll around his neck. Long seconds pass. The roll continues. Suddenly, the platform below his feet drops, yet the boy is gone. The crowd stands, applauding.][Crowd]Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

[We fade to black. The next day, Vidia has managed to get Zim to return. They work out an agreement. Soon, we are shown the exterior of the courthouse. A tall, dark building surrounded by black fog. We then cut to the interior where we see Zim standing alone. Vidia walks out in the dress he requested her to wear.][Vidia]You know, it's really not that bad.[Zim]You're clear with everything you read?[Vidia]Yup. I've been up all night rehearsing.[Zim]What do you do when Blob comes after you?[Vidia]I sit still and look straight ahead. Never look the jury.[Zim]And?

[Vidia]And I look modest.[Zim]And?[Vidia]And...[Zim]And say nothing.[Vidia]That's right, that's right.[Zim]That was the deal, right?[Vidia]Right.[Zim]You ask me back, I do all the talking and stuff.[Vidia]Absolutely, Zimmy. Whatever you say.[Court clerk]Mr. Zim, the honors are here.[Zim]Thank you.(to Vidia) You ready?[Vidia]...I'm scared.[Zim]Don't be. I've been around a long time. Believe me, you've got nothing to worry about. It's all a circus. A three-ring circus. The trial, the whole world...is all a show business. Kid, you gonna be a star.

[Scene changes. We see a showsy, glittery, bright circus arena. There are trapeze and colorful platforms and all around the seats are packed. We see Zim make a grand entrance in a ringleader's costume. He begins to sing.]Give 'em the old razzle dazzleRazzle dazzle 'emGive 'em an act with lots of flash in itAnd the reaction will be passionateGive 'em the old hocus pocusBread and feather 'emHow can they see with sequins in their eyes?What if your hinges all are rusting?What if, in fact, you're just disgusting ?Razzle dazzle 'emAnd they'll never catch wise!Give 'em the old razzle dazzleRazzle dazzle 'emGive 'em a show that's so splendiferousRow after row will grow vociferousGive 'em the old flim flam flummoxFool and fracture 'emHow can they hear the truth above the roar?Roar, roar, 'em a fake and a finagleThey'll never know you're just a bagel,Razzle dazzle 'emAnd they'll beg you for more!

[We see the courtroom, gray, boring, drab. Zim is being slightly in character now. ;)]

[Zim]I object![Tallest Red]Sustained.[Eric the Blob]Your honor, l haven't evenasked the question yet.

[Circus performance continues. Lights blind the crowd as the act follows out.]Give 'em the old razzle dazzleRazzle dazzle 'emBack since the days of old MethuselahEveryone loves the big bambooz-a-lerGive 'em the old three ring circusStun and stagger 'emWhen you're in trouble, go into your danceThough you are stiffer than a girderThey let ya get away with a murderRazzle dazzle 'emAnd you've got a romance

[Courtroom. Dib is in the witness stand.]

[Zim]Hello, Dib.[Dib]Dib? That's right, Mr. Zim... (hissing under breath) You moron…[Zim]Dib, when did you file sue for divorce?[Dib]A month ago.[Zim]Was there any reason for filing at this particular time?[Dib]I'd say, the newspapers said Vidia was expecting a little stranger.[Zim]That's hardly a cause for divorce, isn't it, Idisgusting human/I?[Dib]A little too much of a stranger.[Zim]You mean you doubted the fraternity of the child.[Dib]Most sure.[Zim]Tell me something, Dib. Did you share bed with your wife? [Dib]Yes, sir, every night.[Zim]You expect the jury to believe that you slept next to this woman every nightwithout exercising the rights of a husband?[Dib]I could if I want to.[Zim]Oh, but you didn't.[Dib]No, I did.[Zim]Did what?[Dib]Want to.[Zim]But you didn't.[Dib]Didn't what?[Zim]What you wanted.[Dib]Wait a minute, I'm getting confused here.[Zim]Hey, you tell me, Earth-Beast. Since you never question Vidia herself, did you even bother to ask her if you were the father of the child?[Dib]No, sir.[Zim]No. What if you confirm that you were wrong, you'd be man enough in a minute?You would take her back if Vidia swore that you're the father of the child,which she does.[Dib]She does?[Zim]She does! No more question! You can step down now. Well done, you unappealing dirt-stink

[Dib]

That's a lie! You know we couldn't survive without each other!

[Zim] (confused)

What are you talking about? This isn't in script!

[Dib]

You can't deny it any longer! ZaDR has been approved! So I won't get shot if I do this-!

[Explicit things happen that I am not aloud to record, although I have already recorded some erotic stuff… Eh… I have no idea what that was.. But ZaDR has been approved. Not by Jhonen, lord, no. But by the actors, which I'll take as a good sign. ^^ Anyways! Pretend that didn't happen. Back to our musical!][Dib]Vidia, I'm so sorry.

[We return to the circus performance.]

[Zim]Give 'em the oldRazzle dazzleRazzle dazzle 'emShow 'em the first rate sorcerer you areLong as you keep 'em way off balanceHow can they spot you got no talents?Razzle dazzle 'emRazzle dazzle 'emRazzle dazzle 'em[GIR]This is the moment we've been waiting for, piggy! Vidia finally takes the standin her own defense. … I wanna biscuit…

[Brief return to the performance.]

[Zim]And they'll make you a star!

[Courtroom. The onlookers are creating a rising sea of murmurs.][Tallest Red]Order! Order! Proceed, Mr. Zim.[Zim]Vidia, I have here a statement that you admitted having illicit relationwith deceased Rook of Irk. Is this statement true or false?[Vidia]I'm afraid that's true.[Zim]You're an honest girl, Vidia. When did you first meet Rook?[Vidia]When he came to help us out with the Resistance-Earth war.[Zim]In your personal relationship with him, you tell the jury when that began.[Vidia]When I permitted him to escort me home one night, I don't think I would've gone with him if Mr. Membrane and me hadn't quarreled that very morning.[Zim]Quarrel?[Vidia]Yes, sir.[Zim]Well, I supposed it's his fault, the rotten worm-baby.[Vidia]Oh, no, sir. It was my fault. I supposed I just couldn't stop pestering him.[Zim]Pestering him? By what?[Vidia]I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage. I wanted him home with me... to done his socks and iron his shirts. I wanted a real home. A child.[Zim]So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you're unhappy at home.[Vidia]Yes, most unhappy.[Zim]Vidia! The state has accused you the murder of Rook. Are you guilty or not?[Vidia]I'm not guilty... I killed him, I did. But I'm not a criminal. I'm not a criminal...[Zim]Vidia... Did you recall the night of June 14th? Could you tell the jury in your own words the happening of that night.[Vidia]When Rook came over, I told him a good news.[Zim]What was it?[Vidia]That me and Dib are gonna have a baby. And it was all over between us.[Zim]What happened then?[Vidia]Then...[Zim]Did he threaten you, Vidia?[Eric the Blob]Objection, your honor. Counsel is leading the witness.[Tallest Red]Sustained.[Zim]What did Rook say when you told him the news?[Vidia]I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child![Zim]Could you tell the audience... the jury, what happened next?[Vidia]In his passion, he tore off my robe and he threw me on the bed. And Mr. Membrane's pistol was lying there between us.[Zim]And then![Vidia]And then we both reached for the gun and I got it first. And then he came towards me with this awful look in his eyes. He was angry and wild![Zim]Wild! And did you think that he might kill you?[Vidia]Oh, yes, sir![Zim]So it was his life or yours?[Vidia]And I just mine. I closed my eyes and I shot![Zim]To defend for your life![Vidia] (feebly)And to save my husband's innocent unborn child. (faints in the stand)

[Murmurs, gasps and the scraping of chairs on the hard floors overtake the silence of the courtroom.]

[Tallest Red]Order![Vidia] (silently so no one hears)What a bull's eye, huh?[Tallest Red]Order in this court![Dib]Vidia![GIR]Here in the courtroom, it's SUSAN again... Hi! Mrs. Membrane's behavior [vision of GIR dressed as a lady named Susan is altered to look as if being seen through an old television screen.] has been truly extraordinary. Opening her eyes, she fenced herself with her attorney's handkerchief.[Tak]Handkerchief?[GIR]Poor child has no relief. She looks around now, seeming to want 's a glass of water. Me..? I wanna biscuit…[Tak]Oh, Mama, that was my bid! I told Zim, I wanna do that at my trial![GIR]But now her eyes flatter wildly and she... Mrs. Membrane has fainted flumps over her chiffon dress up around her knees, revealing a glimpse of blue garter with Ryan-stone buckle.[Tak] (enraged)Oh, Mama, she stole my garter. She stole my garter! (begins pounding the radio)[Mama Membrane] (scowling and hissing evilly)Don't break my radio! [Tak]First she steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer, my trial date,now she stole my goddamn garter.[Mama Membrane]What do you expect? I mean these days you get a little success and it's good riddance for the people who put you here.[Tak]It ain't no justice in the world. There's nothing you can do about it.[Mama Membrane] (sneering)You think they got you a page just to listen to my radio? People and publicity only interested in things when we think no one's looking. (shows Vidia's diary)[Tak] (grins deviously)Oh, Mama.[Scene ends. We are taken to the Court room, where Tak has taken the stand.]

[Court clerk]State call for the witness. Left down on bible, raise your right hand and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God![Tak]Amen so![Court clerk]Have a seat.[Eric the Blob]Would you state your name for the record please.[Tak]Invader Tak.[Eric the Blob]Miss Tak, would you please tell the court the object I'm holding is the one you have come upon in the defendant's jail cell?[Tak]Yes, it is.[Eric the Blob]I submit this as appendix. Vidia's diary.[Zim]I object! My client never kept a diary. Even if she did, this would be invasion of privacy and violation of fourth amendment and illegal search without a warrant.[Vidia]Yeah, and she broke the lock. [Tallest Red]Order! Well, that settles that. I'll allow it.[Vidia]What's the big deal? She's the one that did it.[Tallest Red]If you would read for us, Miss Tak.[Tak]I haven't worked in a while. (clears throat) "What a laugh, plucking Rook. The big baboon had a comin'. I'm just sorry I only glad to kill him once."[Vidia]I never wrote that. You... Hey, she made that up. She made that up![Tallest Red]Order! Please, Mr. Zim, get control of your client.[Zim]I'm sorry, you honor. It won't happen again. (growling to Vidia) Sit down and shut else it gonna get worse.[Eric the Blob]I have no more questions.[Tallest Red]Your witness, Mr. Zim.[Announcer/Computer]Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance.

[We are shown a black stage. Spotlight blares on to reveal Zim with his lawyer suit, tapping the toe of his shoe behind his other foot. We hear the beginning beats of a drum, and then the tap begins with a variety of stylish, difficult tap moves. During the interrogation, we will be shown instants where the tap continues.] [Zim]Tell me, Miss Tak, you make a deal with Mr. Blob maybe to drop all charges against you if you testify here today?[Tak]Oh, sure. I'm not a complete idiot. [Zim]Good. Since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr. Blob, can you do me the same honor?[Tak]I'd be delighted.[Zim]Thank you.[Tak]"Rook assured me to get me an audition down at the Onyx. And then he reneged on his pledge and that's my motive for attack."[Zim]Pretty fancy. What you're saying is if a big fat liar who rogue on a deal so I shot him.

[Tak]"Dib accused me of having an affair. So I told him that the charge was erroneous."[Eric the Blob]Objection, your honor. Mr. Zim is twisting the evidence to draw conclusion to the specious and the...[Zim]Erroneous?[Eric the Blob]Exactly.[Tallest Red]Order! Order![Zim]Miss Tak, did you know the meaning of the word perjury?[Tak]Yes, I do.[Zim]You also know that is a crime?[Tak]Yes.[Zim]And for example if it turns out you knew this diary was a fake, I hate to think ofyou rotting away in prison for the next 10 years especially when you were just about win your freedom.[Tak]All I know is what I was told.[Zim]So... you didn't find this diary in Vidia's cell?[Tak]No. Mama... Miss Membrane gave it to me. She said someone sent it to her.[Zim]Someone? Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?[Tak]No. She didn't know.[Zim]All right, let's work this out. Someone who writes about reneging on ... erroneous charges... Call me crazy, does that sound like a lawyer to you? A lawyer, who honestly has a sample of my client's handwriting. Mr. Blob, didn't you have Vidia to write out a confession to you?[Eric the Blob]Yes, but you're not suggesting that I tempered with evidence, are you?[Zim]No, let's not be ridiculous. That's absurd. Unless you mention it. [Eric the Blob]Your honor, this is outrageous.[Zim]Outrageous? Yes. The prosecutor would made a thief bargain with then fabricated the very evidence and set her free![Eric the Blob]Your honor.[Tallest Red]Zim, hold your contempt.[Zim]No, it's not even conceivable. But does it work? Would it be time to say,Come clean, Mr. Blob, come clean... This guy is a corruption. I cannot stand.[Tallest Red]That's enough, Zim![Zim]I agree, your honor. That's enough!The defense rests.[GIR]Ladies and gentlemen, this is SUSANNN reporting live from the Judgemenia Courthouse. The entire planet of Irk has come to a complete stand the trial of the century finally draws to a close, Ms. Vidia sits quietly at the defense table, hands folded. What does fate have installed for her? There's hassles over the courtroom as the 12 men of the jury have come back slowly to their seats. Hey, that guy's head looks like a squirrel![Tallest Red]Gentlemen of jury, have you reached a verdict?[Tallest Purple/Jury]We have, your jury has reached a verdict.[Tallest Red]The defendant please rise. What is your verdict?[Tallest Purple/Jury]We, the jury, find the defendant...[Boy]Vidia is innocent! She's innocent! Vidia is free!

[People on the street rush forward for the papers after hearing the boy's exclamation. The area before the courthouse is in a blurring rush. Suddenly, chaos overtakes as a gun shot rings on the air. A woman stands on the courthouse steps with a gun in hand. A man lays dead before her, blood oozing down on the asphalt.][Reporter]Come on! Move it! She shot her husband and she crossed the lawyer![Vidia]Hey, don't you wanna take my picture? Hey, I'm the famous , what happened? What the hell happened?[Zim]It's Irk, kid. You can't beat fresh blood on the walls.[Vidia]What about my publicity, Zimmy? My name on the papers. I was counting on that.[Zim]Your attitude is not the one I get. I just save your life.[Vidia]You got $5,000. What do I get? I get nothing.[Zim]Five? Actually it's ten once I collect from Tak. I get nothing? Don't forget your diary. It could be on mine. I had a few erroneous phrases in there. Sorry, I couldn't tell you. Take a chance. Never lost a case. You're a free woman, Vidia, dear. And God save Irk.[Dib]Vidia.[Vidia]What do you want?[Dib]I want you to come home. You said you still wanted to... and the baby...[Vidia]Baby, what baby? Oh, Jesus. What do you take me for? There ain't no baby.[Dib]There ain't no baby?[Vidia]They didn't even want my picture. I just can't understand that. Whyy didn't they even want my picture?

[Scene cuts. Days have passed, and we see the interior of a run down bar. Vidia stands on a half-assed stage, singing to two Irken men, one twirling their antennae, the other looking bored. The announcer/computer(imagine him as you will) is playing along with her song on the piano.]It's good,Isn't it, grand?Isn't it, great?Isn't it, swell?Isn't it, fun?Isn't it?Nowadays[Announcer/Computer]Ladies and gentlemen,Miss Vidia says Good Night.[Vidia]There's men,Everywhere jazz,Everywhere booze,Everywhere life,Everywhere joy,EverywhereNowadaysYou can like the life you're livingYou can live the life you likeYou can even marry HarryBut mess around with IkeAnd that'sGood,Isn't it, grand?Isn't it, great?Isn't it, swell?Isn't it, fun?Isn't it...But nothingstaysYou can like the life you're livingYou can live the life you like[Man I]Didn't she kill a guy a while back?[Man II]Yeah, who can keep it straight anymore?[Vidia]But mess around with IkeAnd that'sGood,Isn't it, grand?Isn't it, great?Isn't it, swell?[Man I]That's great. We'll keep in touch.[Vidia]You know I'm not quite finished yet.I have a...Wait, don't go.I could... just a second...Goddamn it!Thank you![Announcer/Computer]Here's your music, honey.[Vidia]Thanks.[Tak]You know you're really pretty good.[Vidia]Yeah. What are you doing here?[Tak]I've been making around.[Vidia]Well, if not fooled up by you, I'll be swinging right now.[Tak]Come on, I was there to get you off. You should learn how to put things behind you.[Vidia]Thank you. I'll put that at the top of my list right after finding a job and an apartment with a John.[Tak]Can you shut up and listen to me?[Vidia]You really are something. Coming in here like some goddamn queen bee, full of advice for a poor slop like me. Let me tell you something, Miss Tak.I got a new life now. And one of the best things about it, is it don't include you.[Tak]Fine. I just thought we could help each other out.[Vidia]Wait, you thought wrong, didn't you?[Tak]Listen to me. I talked to this guy in downtown. He says one chance hurts nothing these days, but two... We can make a couple hundred a week. Think about it, Vidie. Faces back on the papers and names in the market. Tak and Vidia.[Vidia]Should it be backwards alphabetical?[Tak]That could work.[Vidia]A couple hundred? Maybe we can ask for a thousand. We're worth it. Forget it, it'll never work.[Tak]Why not?[Vidia]'Cause I hate you.[Tak]There's only one business in the world that's got no problem at all.[Announcer/Computer]Ladies and gentlemen, the Irk theatre is proud to announce the first time anywhere that's been an act throughout this universe. Not only one little lady, but two. You read about them in the papers, and now here they zone killer-dealers, the lady-sinners, Vidia of the Resistance and Invader Tak!

[The two stroll across stage, dressed fully in white gowns. Stage is black. Spotlight blares upon them.]

[Vidia and Tak]You can like the life you're livingYou can live the life you likeYou can even marry HarryBut mess around with IkeAnd that's good?Isn't it, grand?Isn't it, great?Isn't it, swell?Isn't it, fun?isn't it?But nothing staysIn fifty years or soIt's gonna change, you knowBut, oh, it's heavenNowadays[Announcer/Computer]Okay, you babes of Jazz, let's kick up the bass. Let's make the party longer,let's make the skirt shorter. Let's all go to the heaven that makes all the people hot![Tak]Me and Vidia would just like to say thank you.[Vidia]Thank you!Believe us, we could've neverdone anything without you!

[The darkness of the stage is soon illuminated by a backdrop of bright bulbs, the front spotlight dying out.]And allThatJazz!That Jazz![Announcer/Computer]5, 6, 7, 8[Tak]While trucking down the road of lifeAlthough all hope seems goneI just move on[Vidia]When I can't find a single starTo hang my wish uponI just move onI move on[Tak]I run so fastA shot gun blastCan hurt me not one bit[Vidia]I'm on my toesCause heaven knowsA moving target's hard to hit[Both]So as we play an ex-balletWe're not the dying swanWe just move onWe move on[Vidia]Just when it seemsWe're out of dreamsAnd things have got us down[Tak]We don't despairWe don't go thereWe hang our bonnets out of town[Both]So there's no doubtWe're well cut outTo run life's marathonWe just move onWe just move onSo light of footWe can't stay putWe just move onYes, we move on

[Backdrop cuts dark. Floor lights come on, revealing roses being thrown upon stage. The two Irken take a deep bow, then a wink to the crowd where some of the other characters sit among the actual audience. Applause deafens the area. Then, the lights slowly dwindle away, until the performers are seen no more.]

And now the six merry murderesses of the Crookem County JailIn their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!He had it comingHe had it comingHe only had himself to blameIf you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen it.I betcha you would have done the same!.Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!You know how peoplehave these little habitsThat gets you down. Like liked to chew , not chew. I came home this one dayAnd I am really irritated, andI'm looking for a little bit of sympathyand there's Bernie lyingon the couch, drinking a beerand chewing. No, not chewing,POPPING. So, I said to him,I said, "You pop thatgum one more time..."And he I took the shotgun off the walland I fired two warning shots...Into his head..He had it comingHe had it comingHe only had himself to blameIf you'd have been thereIf you'd have heard itI betcha you wouldHave done the same!.I met Ezekiel Young fromSalt Lake City about two years agoand he told me he was singleand we hit it off right , we started living 'd go to work, he'd come home,I'd fix him a drink, we'd have then I found out:"Single" he told me. Single, my only was he married...Oh, no, he had six of those Mormons, you that night when he came home from work,I fixed him his drink, as know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic..He had it comingHe had it comingHe took a flowerIn its primeAnd then he used itAnd he abused itIt was a murderBut not a crime!.Now, I'm standing in the kitchencarving up the chicken for dinner,minding my own storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage."You been screwing the milkman," he was crazy and he kept on screaming,"You been screwing the milkman."And then he ran into my ran into my knife ten times!.If you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen itI betcha you would have done the same!.Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok,hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meglecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlanvagyok. Nem tudom mert mondjaUncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltama rendorsegen megmagyarazni de nem ertettek meg...Yeah, but did you do it?.UH UH, not guilty!.My sister, Veronica and I had this double act,and my husband, Charlie, traveled around with , for the last number in our act,we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a , two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles,back flips, flip flops, one right after the this one night before the show we're down at the Hotel Cicero,the three of us, boozing, having a few laughs and we ran out of I go out to get some.I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica andCharlie doing Number Seventeen - the spread , I was in such a state of shock,I completely blacked out, I can't remember a wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my handsI even knew they were dead..They had it comingThey had it comingThey had it coming all alongI didn't do itBut if I'd done itHow could you tell me that I was wrong?.They had it comingThey had it comingThey had it comingThey took a its prime.I didn't do then they used if I'd done they abused could you tell I was wrong?.I loved Alvin Lipschitz more than I can possibly was a real artistic guy... sensitive... a he was always trying to find 'd go out every nightlooking for himself and on the wayhe found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving.I guess you could say we brokeup because of artistic saw himself as aliveand I saw him dead..The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bumThe dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, had it comingThey had it comingThey had it comingThey had it comingThey had it comingThey had it along'Cause if they used us'Cause if they used us And they abused usAnd they abused could you tell could you tell us That we were wrong?He had it comingHe had it comingHe had it comingHe had it comingHe only hadHimselfTo you'd have been thereIf you'd have seen itI betchaYou would have done the same!.You pop that gum one more time!.Single my ass..Ten times!.Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe..Number seventeen - the spread-eagle..Artistic differences..Pop, Six, Squish ,Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz


End file.
